| So yesterday after work, I headed straight home. To fix the DSL at home, but maybe also to see him.
Went straight to Santa Anita to meet up Phillip to use his Macys employee discount + friends & family. Bought myself a Jessica Simpson peacoats, and presents for the mother and roomie.
Afterward, went home and met up with him at 9. I was truly sad because I knew it was going to be over.
We met up at Quicklys. Sat down, and TALKED. He told me he wish I was more open about my feelings, I have my guard up too high and it gets frustrating. I told him it's hard to because I don't know what to expect from him. I wasn't sure if we're just casually dating until we have a falling out or if we're dating and heading towards a direction. He asked why don't I ever ask instead of assuming and would he have wasted so much time and effort just to date casually. Made me think....so overall we decided we want to continue dating. I didn't leave until nearly midnight. Felt good talking to him again, I didn't realize how much I missed him..
So I plan to put in more effort and try to be more open about my feelings, I really hope he does too and maybe we'll reach a time where we're both no longer too career oriented and move on to the next level.
Hmmm...gotta decide what to do about J now..
- Location:Tustin, CA
- Mood:cold
 - Music:Colbie Calliat - Realize
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| So this past weekend, I was pretty much a wreck. Went out. Hungout with random guys on Friday. My girls on Saturday. Sunday, recovered from all the drinking and lots of crying.
What happened...
Wednesday, we went out. Had a great evening. End of the evening, got into a fight. Ended the night pretty bad where both of us wouldn't speak to each other.
Thursday, Thanksgiving, I thought to just drop it even though he hurt me, and I texted him happy thanksgiving and called. He never responded.
Friday, still upset. Didn't hear from him.
Saturday & Sunday as well.
Monday, he finally text messages me. But a simple, "Hello." I didn't respond.
Tuesday, he texted again after work, "Hello." I didn't respond again. (Yes I guess I was letting it drag on) He calls at night, I didn't pick up. Then he text messages me this:
"This is my last attempt to contact you, you can read this if you'd like and if you dont that's fine as well, cause I know I tried and you're unwilling to respond and theres nothing that I can do about that, I'd really prefer to talk in person or over the phone at least but it's not gonna happen, anyhow the other night I was a little harsh, I apologize if I hurt you, I've just needed time to think things over and over and be in the right mindset and not say the wrong things and working like 10 hour days along with being sick sure doesnt help.. but if you feel a certain way about how I act or treat you or anything you should let me know its ALWAYS been one sided you never express how you feel, how am I ever suppose to know if I'm doing things right or wrong? Whenever I had meaningful conversations with you its always been "I'm thinking" and you never get back to me I always feel left out but I just let it go sometimes it leaves me to wonder if I'm just wasting my time or just getting played. well this is probably less than half of what I have to say if you want to hear more you know where to reach me, bye"
Ugh, I guess it's always me. Thinking about what to say. I truly care about him and I do want to work things out. But I still have my guard up high, even after how many months?? What to do what to do...... - Location:Irvine, CA
- Mood:blah
 - Music:Maxwell - Pretty Wings
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| Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain, every time I hear your name
The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you
Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here
When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go...
So it's over between us. I've accepted that it simply can't work out between us. Different priorities, different views, different everything, just not the right time for the both of us. I tried my best, he tried, but he gave up. Blah....I try to distract myself, lie to my friends that I'm okay, talk to other guys, but in the end, I'm sad that it didn't work out. I don't regret anything. I know I would have regretted not giving it a try. So what am I to do with this broken heart? =( And I think this is exactly what my ex wanted to happen, so laugh your ass off, I got my heart broken.
- Location:Tustin, CA
- Mood:heartbroken
- Music:Until I Get Over You - Christina Milian
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| Hello,
Not much has been going on. Well, it feels like not much has been going on, but I don't have time to do anything!!!
Got a new phone, the Droid, pretty nice =)
Celebrated Aunt Eamly's birthday.
Concerts.
Hm, so last week, I took a 3 day paid vacation away from work. It was very last minute. Vegas! Good times. Lost about 240 in blackjacks, but I was up a lot a few times. Yes, I got greedy =)
Watched Criss Angel's Believe cirque du soleil show. So good!
Wynn buffett for lunch was bomb.
Saturday, went to San Diego to visit Marly & Thai's baby, Taylor.
Things with Edward are good I suppose. Some days, things are amazing. Then, there are those days where we just suck at communicating and either he's annoyed of me or I'm annoyed of him. Ehh
So last night I went out with J. Had fun. Yen sushi, walked around spectrum, games at D&B, and yogurtland back at the apartment.
Today, the roommate got a new doggie. So cute and I'm excited to see him! His name is Kingley and he's a poodle mix.
OMG I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week!! Super excited for the holidays =) oh and New Moon. LOL Helen went to the premeire since she works for Summit. She said it was super good and heart breaking!
It's been nearly a month since Grandpa passed away. I think I've kept myself occupied so I don't think too much. But, when I sit and think about him, it makes me really sad, I really miss him and I really wish I could just see him again....I really miss all my relatives in Paris too... blah...serious, I go into deep depression when I think about these things. Sigh at times, I wish I had an actual boyfriend there for me emotionally. Blah, I'll be fine.
RIP Grandpa...I love you...
Anyways, things I'm looking forward to the next few days, months, whatever..
Thanksgiving - we're cooking again
New Moon
Black Friday- I need a bluetooth, external hard drive, new ipod(yeah i know its not gonna be on sale), new camera, and I forgot what else.....
Las Vegas half marathon
Snowboarding in mammoth
Christmas
Organization restructuring
Alright, until next time. Ciao.
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| - Music:Jason Derulo - Broken Record
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| So not much has happened. Hmm, Ed came and spent the evening w/ me at the apartment on Thursday.
Friday, Kress in Hollywood for Iris' 21st birthday. It was okay. Didn't enjoy the crowd. Kaba Modern Legacy performed. Was good. Almost got in a fight =x
Yesterday was the Party Rock concert in Hollywood at the Palladium. Insane. Didn't take photos.
anyways,
Here's the photos from Carolyn's camera..
Carolyn, Me, Birthday girl, & Joy
Drinking in car
Hey I wasn't ready!
Mz Chau & I
I had to jump in
smiley
Roomie & I
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Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.
I'm back to work from my vacation. Photos from the trip are posted on facebook.
Trip was bittersweet. Great to get away, great time being with my family, and so sad to say goodbye to Grandpa.
I caught a cold in Paris. It was so cold. I had a hard time adjusting to the time difference. Coming back, I had to readjust, which is why I missed work on Friday.
Halloween was uneventful. Went to skidazzle.
I'm still so tired.
So, I'm back on the grind. Must focus at work. I have many things to accomplish now. I will shine. 2010 is nearly here.
So many things running through my mind. Am I happy where I am? Yes and no.
At times I feel like the most lonely person. I'm grateful for my great friends though, but at times I just feel so damn lonely..
At times I wish I had someone. At times only though. I know Ed is there, but theres so much holding me back. I guess we're not on the same page. Blah. What the hell is holding me back? I'm so damaged that I'm scared about moving forward with anything. Ugh, I'm a different person. But it's not all bad. I'm learning so much right now, about myself, life, and everything else.
I guess I still have a lot to learn about myself. Blah.
Focus focus focus.
Focus on work, myself, training, education, life, family, and friends.
Mind, body, and soul.
Must focus.
I'm a brand new soul.
- Location:Irvine, CA
- Mood:drained
 - Music:Nickelback - Far Away
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| Back home. Still jetlagged. Ugh.
Trip was good. Spent time with family and said my goodbye to Grandpa.
I miss him, a lot.
Photos will be posted.
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